So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
