Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
