I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
