we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
