Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
