I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
