my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
