My hand turned me down
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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