I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
