I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry my hands just texted you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
