You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
