East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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