I accidentally had phone sex last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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