Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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