Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
