people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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