im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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