News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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