You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
