You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
