This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
