If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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