i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
