You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize