it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do herpes really smell.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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