You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
