Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
