tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
