He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
