It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Randomize
