Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
