They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
