I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
