I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
