Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
