You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
