yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
