Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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