I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
