new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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