im holly from the hills drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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