Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
