You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
