she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
