Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back