Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.

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  (508): I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man. http://tfl.nu/yrla
  Replies (4) Good night (756) Bad night (2060)
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  (914): View more from New York

  he puts the penis in happiness.

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  (914): he puts the penis in happiness. http://tfl.nu/m0tk
  Replies (29) Good night (4823) Bad night (694)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile

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  (309): Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile http://tfl.nu/cr7n
  Replies (27) Good night (1222) Bad night (2690)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.

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  (808): You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone. http://tfl.nu/k63s
  Replies (8) Good night (1218) Bad night (5356)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

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  (785): Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head? http://tfl.nu/u71n
  Replies (4) Good night (1629) Bad night (825)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.

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  (336): I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina. http://tfl.nu/vg1w
  Replies (10) Good night (2821) Bad night (1073)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.

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  (806): We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers. http://tfl.nu/r7l6
  Replies (16) Good night (2688) Bad night (798)
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  (858): View more from California

  currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh

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  (858): currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh http://tfl.nu/1197
  Replies (6) Good night (1666) Bad night (730)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?

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  (218): Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube? http://tfl.nu/2h8u
  Replies (7) Good night (1981) Bad night (594)
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  (949): View more from California

  Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite

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  (949): Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite http://tfl.nu/rl1y
  Replies (7) Good night (722) Bad night (1059)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person

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  (772): The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person http://tfl.nu/qxco
  Replies (1) Good night (989) Bad night (533)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.

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  (231): My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting. http://tfl.nu/ksju
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (339)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.

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  (904): Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am. http://tfl.nu/pjgw
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (353)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.

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  (214): White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs. http://tfl.nu/ocpx
  Replies (6) Good night (686) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success

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  (207): I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success http://tfl.nu/p8r3
  Replies (7) Good night (662) Bad night (337)

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