I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket