Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
