WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday