Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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