Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it