oh god the rape fog is back!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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