Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
