how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You don't make any sense
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