Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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