The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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