He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
