I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
