____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
