if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
