when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
