Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
