I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My breasts were aching with rage.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
