I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
