Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
