In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
