do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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