She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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