So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
