i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
