I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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