I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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